The Secret to Health: Have More Sex
How Choose Joi and Blokes founders used peptide therapy to reignite their spark, revive their marriage, and start flourishing businesses to help men and women achieve optimal health.
Sex is irrefutably one of the most effective anti-aging, immune-boosting, stress-relieving, mood-enhancing, and hormone-optimizing activities we can do. The data is clear: People who have sex regularly are happier and healthier.
Why then are so many couples struggling to achieve or maintain a healthy level of intimacy with their partner? With divorce plaguing 50% of marriages and lack of physical intimacy ranking at the top of the list of reasons why, maybe a more broad conversation is needed. But first, the elephant in the room:
Why don’t so many young people want to have sex these days?
The Low Down on Low Libido: Common Causes
When it comes to intimacy, women differ from men in many ways. For one, while men operate more like microwaves and can be “hot and ready” in mere seconds, women are more like an oven, and let’s just say the preheating is critical to a good “meal.”
Still, even when the intimacy setting checks all the boxes, there could be many underlying barriers to achieving intimacy with your partner, such as:
- Relationship problems. Do you feel loved, secure, and safe in your relationship? Do you feel as though your partner is committed to you? Are you struggling with resentment, bitterness, or anger toward your partner? Is sex uncomfortable or unfulfilling, and do you feel comfortable communicating your sexual (and other) needs with your partner? Many times, relationship red flags can be blind spots that prevent us from connecting with our partners, not just sexually but in other ways, too.
- Unresolved trauma. Trauma and PTSD, especially from physical and/or sexual abuse, can make intimacy a lifelong challenge as survivors typically remain in “fight-or-flight” mode throughout their lives. Thus, low sexual desire and being constantly on edge make intimacy a complex and ongoing hurdle in relationships.
- Stress, anxiety and exhaustion. It goes without saying that nobody can enjoy sex if they are stressed, anxious, or exhausted. Whether your adrenal glands are taxed from physical stress or you have a work project deadline that precludes any desire for physical connection, there really is merit to saying we’re just “too tired” for sex. It’s a thing.
- Depression and/or other mental health disorders. Both mental health disorders and some antidepressants can make your sex drive take a nosedive. Talk to your doctor about whether or not you may be able to start or switch medication more conducive to your natural desire for intimacy.
- Drugs and alcohol. Overconsumption of alcohol and substance abuse can wreak havoc on your health, hormones, and sex life. Plus, drunken orgasms (if you’re one of the few who can achieve them) don’t hold a candle to sober orgasms. That’s just a fact.
- Getting older. Perimenopause and menopause are common causes of low libido as your body and hormones are undergoing a critical biological transition phase.
- Contraception. Many contraceptives decrease the production of androgen and other hormones, which can diminish sexual desire and do a number on your hormone health. Because ovulation is a biological process that sparks sexual desire every month (because your body is trying to conceive), and contraceptives block this process, it’s no wonder that you might have “lost that loving feeling.”
- Medication. Certain medications such as SSRIs, anti-anxiety and blood pressure meds, diuretics, and more can all have adverse effects on your sex life.
- Hormonal problems. Cue the big kahuna. More than anything else, hormone imbalances, which can be caused by a myriad of things including simply growing older, are often at the heart of tanked libido.
Keeping it Real: Our Founders’ Story
When my husband didn’t want to have sex for months on end, I was devastated. I felt rejected, insecure, and deeply missed the close connection I once shared with my husband—the connection that every woman in a committed relationship should regularly feel with her lifelong partner.
But as with most marital problems, there was more to this story. And I was determined to peel back the layers of this proverbial onion and do whatever it took to, as Stella did, get our groove back.
We tried it all:
- Scheduling sex in the calendar (how romantic..)
- Denial, and writing intimacy off as not needed
- Writing down a laundry list of specific intimacy demands
- Drowning our sorrows with alcohol
- Couples therapy (arguably as a direct or indirect result of the bullet point before this one)
It was eventually determined that my ongoing fertility struggles, unhealed trauma around miscarriage we experienced together, and hormone dysregulation were at the root of my husband’s lackluster libido. And while my feelings were hurt during the process, I could at least attribute the disconnect to something other than my husband falling out of love with or no longer being attracted to me.
What was the one thing that was successful in bridging the bedroom bliss gap? Balancing our hormones.
But we didn’t discover this revelation overnight. Far from it, actually. The reality is, Josh saw several doctors to finally find one that said his testosterone levels, while maybe technically on the low side of normal, weren’t optimal and were most certainly affecting his drive.
This was eye-opening for Josh. That was all the encouragement he needed to begin his journey with testosterone replacement therapy. After dialing into the right application method and dosing, Josh went from going months without showing interest in sex to being the fun, frisky partner that I fell in love with and married.
He was back.
But then, to my surprise, the tables turned.
In an ironic turn of events a few years later, I found myself tired, overweight, and brain dead after giving birth to our second child with zero interest in sex. Society indoctrinates women into believing they should snap back like rubber bands after creating, birthing, and caring for a whole human, leaving many of us wondering why the heck we don’t feel like ourselves again after only a few weeks or even months post-labor.
Testosterone is Not Just a Man’s Hormone
In true foot-in-mouth fashion, after nagging my husband for years and even threatening to throw in the towel on our marriage, I was now the one opting out of intimacy! I knew it was common for women to lose interest after childbirth—after all, my body was recovering and my hormones were as out of whack as I felt.
But one thing was clear: it was a place I didn’t want to stay any longer than I had to. It wasn’t fair to my husband and it wasn’t fair to me. Now that I was in the hot seat, I had more understanding and sympathy for what Josh had been through. But if there was one silver lining to Josh’s bumpy health journey, it was that I knew the answer: balancing my hormones.
Testosterone is not just a man’s hormone, ladies. We need it, too! In fact, it worked miracles for my libido and energy levels. Workouts improved, the fog that took up residence in my brain finally lifted, and our marriage returned to where we both wanted it to be.
The other silver lining to this experience: Our personal intimacy issues and the overwhelming loss of hope we experienced in our marriage was the life-changing catalyst that inspired us to launch Choose Joi and Blokes! We knew, despite feeling very alone in our struggles at the time, that so many other couples had a similar story. Now, just like we did, they can rewrite a happier, more climactic (pun intended) ending.
Get Your Sexual Spark Back STAT
Just about everything can have an adverse effect on hormone balance, from aging, body weight, diet, sleep, exercise habits, and even endocrine-disrupting chemicals in many conventional household, beauty and skincare, and other personal care products. These imbalances can lead to painful symptoms, premature aging, and disease. Contact us today to take a hormone assessment and see how Joi’s customized hormone therapies can improve your quality of life (in and out of the bedroom). Our hormone experts are standing by to help you feel and look your best again (and save you tons of money on divorce lawyers).Back to Blog